For some reason there seems to be a new understanding of the relationship a mother is supposed to have with her daughters. It is fine, apparently, for mother and daughter to be close while the child is younger than about 12, but after that mum (and I assume dad) is supposed to almost back out of her daughter’s life.
There are those who think and openly say that a parent who is closely involved with a teenage daughter’s life is simply a bad parent; interfering; over the top; too involved; controlling. I am unsure how a mother is not supposed to be involved with her own daughter’s welfare and upbringing.
A friend of mine has been criticised and laughed at because she gets on well with her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend (my son) and worse still, in their eyes that she spends time with them. They were astonished to learn that she has bothered to meet and get to know the family of her daughter’s boyfriend. They were pleased to announce they had no idea who their own children met up with or presumably what they got up to.
I don’t have many friends with teenage children, and none with teenage daughters, but the ones I have whose children are close to the teen years are strongly in favour of ensuring they have close relationships with those children no matter how old they are. I am not convinced this is a simple case of home ed families are closer than families who send their children to school. Certainly schooled children do have a tendency to fall into peer groups with all its pressures and anti-parental culture, but I have come across even home ed mothers who don’t have a close relationship with their older children and seem to have no idea what they get up to. I saw a doctor the other night speaking with bewilderment about the number of children she has seen seriously ill thanks to alchohol and parents insist their child doesn’t drink.
A close relationship between mother and daughter was once considered a precious thing. God given. I find it astonishing that so many mothers are prepared to shrug off this gift and not only leave their young daughters to date secret boyfriends and spend all hours with unknown friends, but mock those mothers for whom the relationship is still important.
I know many women whose mothers were too self absorbed, cruel or just too busy to spend time with them; who were never there to talk to and to learn from and they swear they will not do that to their daughters. I believe my friend is a good mother who is ensuring her children’s welbeing and she has every right to know who her daughter sees and when. As it happens her daughter and my son are happy to be around both families. It’s simply part of life to them.
I have been reading some MSM stuff on home education and I am beginning to feel that the only articles that are getting published are those that imply home ed parents leave their children to their own decvices to the extent of neglect. No doubt this is trendy-where the children get to ignore the parents, but it is NOT what most home ed families I know do and I am glad to say many of my children’s school friends to do have this separation state either (although sadly some do).
Family life is important-let’s protect it a bit.