THUD! That was the sound of me metaphorically hitting the brick wall. Time to step back and sit down methinks.
I feel a bit like St Barnaby of Compiegne having just dropped all the balls. (Tomie dePaola re tells the story beautifully in his book The Clown of God- without mentioning the saint by name though).
I think I’ve been trying to keep too much going for too long. We are, as I’ve mentioned before, financially stretched to the utmost, so like the eejit I am I thought I had better find some way to earn money. Now I home educate full time and there has been rather a lot of ‘other stuff’ to handle over the last year or so, but that didn’t make me see sense.
Then something else happened recently that made me think I could start to solve the financial stuff side of things-only it was here one minute and gone the next. Did I wonder what God was trying to say? No, I was too busy.
So in my busy-silly state I thought I could write a book. You see it would solve lots of problems- I would be writing my own Language Arts curriculum which could be used with the children AND I could sell it so I could afford other stuff curriculum wise. Aha! So then there was the small, but rather important factor of TIME. I don’t have any spare. In fact I am so tied up time wise that my elderly friend can’t even get a phone call from me when I was supposed to give her one and I ended up sending the photos I promised her via Josh. So.
Yesterday-having not stopped to think this over much- I decided that the afternoon would be curriculum and book writing time. As it happens it is nigh on impossible to write a book or anything very coherent when stressed out and surrounded by questions such as;
“Can I have a drink please?” ” I can’t reach the book” and “I need a WEEEEEE!” (trans. put me on the toilet I’m too small to get up there myself).
Now I know there are homeschooling mums out there who manage to write, publish and sell books, but I just can’t for the life of me see how they do it if they are surrounded by their children (especially a 3 year old). Any ideas?
Then I spent some time teaching Josh -who wants to be a paramedic- how to take blood pressures the old fashioned way without batteries, and we discovered my BP is 165/120 Whoops! It was still like that the next day hovering around 170/110 and more. Of course if I hadn’t been teaching Josh I wouldn’t know this and would probably continue being an eejit.
I’ll concentrate on home edding with whatever I can and forget buying other books for a long time. We’ll have to manage without. Anyway I would have to fall a long way before the children were getting a worse education than a school can offer.
I am going to try and go back to the promise I made myself ages ago (that disappeared) that there will be Mum Time at least once a week where I sit quietly with a book and no interruptions for 15minutes.
And I will learn-slowly probably- to be a bit more realistic about what I can do.
Home educating the children is important and it means I have to be with-it to do it. So. Time to get to grip with my limitations so I can juggle those balls again without dropping them.
St Barnaby say a quick one for me 🙂