After Fibro-it’s all in yer ‘ead, I said I would write a follow up with what’s happening to me.
So this is what’s happening to me:
I have been started on Bendroflumethiazide which is a diuretic and should help lower my blood pressure which hasn’t shifted at all since coming off the Amitrip last week. I admit to being a big girl’s blouse this morning and almost begging the doc to do something to help me with the pain. I had been on top of it. I had control back of my life and although I knew I would pay, pain wise, because of the holiday- this is beyond normal paydays.
There’s nothing much he can do at the moment. He hopes that if he can get the BP down the pain will reduce. You see it’s a vicious circle; pain increases BP and increased BP increases pain AND he isn’t sure what’s the root cause of the raised BP-though of course he has some ideas.
So next: on Tues I go back to the GPs for and ECG. I have to say I am pretty impressed that my GP surgery can do ECGs. In the past I always had to go to hospital for them. I then see the Doc again straight after that. Meanwhile he is referring me to the Cardiologist team (I haven’t seen a Cardio for over ten years so this is a new referral).
Now this all sounds terrible and I am pretty fed up right now this minute, BUT- if it is any of the things the GP is concerned about- they are fixable (mostly) and that has to be good. The problem with fibro is it isn’t fixable. We just have to fight it and live with it. I prefer the idea of something doctors feel they know about and can do something about.
More than anything right now though; I need to find a way of getting back on top of the pain. I’ll let you know if I find something that works.
Spiritual battle: I am more than grateful that I don’t get depression with this. I can’t think of anything worse in all human suffering than full on depression. I know I’ve probably seen the really rough end of it, and I lost someone I miss so much, to this illness a few months ago; but I honestly think it’s the worst thing I have ever seen or nursed. So I am grateful.
But it’s still a bit of a spiritual battle not to get cross about what’s happening right now. We are all called to do and be – to have certain charisms (I believe). I can’t quite see how I am supposed to carry out my vocation in the area of wife and mother who home educates and carer of a few people I am sure I am supposed to take care of, if I am stumped by this level of pain and general grottiness and just the tiredness.
I am also very grateful that the children have been so good about it. The three biggies have helped out hugely. I know it could be much worse, so I am trying not to get too stroppy about it….trying.