I worked when the older three were little. At the time I really thought, and still think to be honest, that I had no choice. I spent most of my working life trying to find ways not to work, but for a while I was the main breadwinner, so it certainly wasn’t easy.
I have been listening to various podcasts and do love the Catholic Laboratory Podcast. I think it was one of those podcasts where Mr Maxwell talked about the research into children’s physiological reaction to being left. There is good research (which I already knew about) that shows that the stress hormone cortisol is raised in babies and toddlers who are left in nurseries or with other carers without their mother. This stress hormone reaches a peak around the age of 5 when these children are put into school and it seems these children have reached the limit of their stress. The obvious long term effects for mental health problems are there. I assume there will be follow up research to see if this answers some of the questions about the exponential rise in serious depression and even psychotic illness in children.
More research has shown something else. Children who are put into care as babies are at a far higher risk of failure to thrive. This is where children are generally underweight and ill despite a normal healthy diet.
My oldest had failure to thrive. I spent a lot of time taking him to peadiatric appointments where he was put through a gammit of tests for various serious illness. Every time he ate he was violently sick, to the point where he became nervous about eating at all.
The doctors had no idea then why such as thing as failure to thrive existed. But she told me that children always seem to grow out of it around the age of 4. Sure enough just after turning 4 Josh was discharged as he had finally put on some weight and stopped being sick. It seemed there was nothing to worry about and yet here is now at age 22 with type 1 diabetes. Is there a link? I don’t know, but as more research comes out showing how bad it is for children to be removed from their mother so young – we’ll have to see.
When the other two were younger I was able to be around a little more when they were little, although I did go through a patch of working very long hours when they were older.
Even then, when I worked in CAMHS, we were seeing much younger children who were floridly psychotic. It has been shown by study after study that children have increasing levels of depression and self harm. Families are disintegrating – and there’s a lot of fall out from that.
I hope as this information becomes better known that other families will be forewarned, and will not fall into the horrible trap. There simply has to be a better way for families, a way to allow the bills to be paid while living on one wage.